


Spoil death's nostrils with a rose of dust

by orphan_account



Category: Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Dreams, Its not much but its honest work, M/M, Nightmares, Paranoia, dispair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:46:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21737050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: out of reality, into the subconscious of Baz Pitch
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Kudos: 6





	Spoil death's nostrils with a rose of dust

**Author's Note:**

> This is a thought process, more specifically, Baz's Pitch thought process. Often, our fears, thoughts and feelings tend to be so strong and so overwhelming, that they transpose into the dream realm, the subconcious. When we are in love, helplessly in love, we cling onto spirituality, looking for signs from the Universe, in order to convince ourselves that out feelings are perfectly normal, that to be human is perfectly normal. From hope, there comes sadness, and from sadness, frustration.

I love him and he loves me, and maybe that's enough.  
Is it? Does he love me? Will this love falter? Will I be someone, a foggy memory? I should enjoy it... Take what I have, take him! By the hand... by the weist. Am I allowed to touch him?  
He is repulsed by me. How could he not?  
The mirror does not smile at me, hasn't in years... Am I? He hasn't kissed me in months...  
He is repulsed by me.  
I tried to touch his hand yesterday, but he pushed me away...  
The clock shows me 22:22 every night and I take it as a sign. He loves me. It's OK. He... loves me? Does he? I love him.  
He held me that night. Was it a dream? Am I dreaming? I am dreaming! What a fool I've been! I'm dreaming! He doesn't love me! He is repulsed by me! He despises me! I... love him... 

I have awaken. This bottomless pit I have come to call home.  
03:33.  
A sign! My wishes are being heard by angels! Oh, how stupid! I'm tired! I'm tired of breathing the same air as him! There are no signs! There is no hope! Give up! Give up! Give up on spirituality!  
Maybe I should spoil death's nostrils with a rose of dust...

**Author's Note:**

> The last sentence is from Gabriel's Garcia Marquez book, "Tubal Cain forges a star", roughly translated from romanian to english.
> 
> Baz's feelings alter from uncertainty, to insecurity, to a faltering moment of certainty, when he says 'I love him' the first time. From there, from accepting his feelings, after giving them voice, making them more real, he appeals to spirituality, to find solace. Trying to rationalize it, he turns to frustration and self hatred, in order to cope with overwhelming feelings.
> 
> Hope you liked it! Feedback and constructive criticism are always welcome!!!


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